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So we roll up on this party, right?
Me, my best bud Seamus, and the twins, Mailman and Clusterfuck, step out of my ride. Seamus is in front, he's always in front. I'm next, with Mailman and Clusterfuck bringing up the rear.
House party. Lots of people, lots of noise. Fucking kids. I step on the lawn, and this little fucker named Bob or some shit is all like "Hey, Jeff, how you livin', negro?" but I ain't havin' it. I turn my back as we walk, walking backwards now and whispering to Clusterfuck. I turn back to Bob or whatever and give him a big grin. I hold my hand out, you know, like to shake his fucking hand? You know, like we're in the fucking Polo Association or some sort of fucking networking session? Well, as the little fucker holds his hand out, I pull mine away and walk past him. He's sorting that shit out when my boy Clusterfuck makes his move, and fucking headbutts the little fucker. That little shit owed me money from this thing I did for some other guys about a month ago. This little fucker drops like a sack of shit, and his little bitch girlfriend with the candy raver shirt and pink hair and fat belly starts to jaw at us, but Mailman cuts in quick with a "Shut the fuck up or I'll rape you!" to her, and she shuts up.
We go into the house now and there's a bunch of little teenage bitches, probably fucked up on E and maybe a hit of meth or something, and they're all over Seamus. Seamus is a smooth motherfucker that way, but tonight we're all business. Seamus is all like "Later, baby, later." but the bitches won't stop yammering so Seamus fucking pulls a Jeff and turns around and whispers to Mailman, who pops the group of girls with his trademark "Shut the fuck up or I'll rape you!" He says it, man, he says that shit like he means it. Like, if the bitches don't shut the fuck up, he'll put them in the rape victims ward or some shit at Mercy General. Clusterfuck is lagging behind, headbutting some little fuckhead who was trying to walk his little sister home from school and help her with her homework and shit. I like the little guy myself, but Clusterfuck is my boy, so whatever.
Seamus is stopped up ahead, and now he's not talking to no teenage fucking raver bitch, he's talking to some fine honies, you know? Those tall girls with pretty faces and big tits and they look like women, you know? You know, they be wearing make up, but not much, and they look at you like you're fucking nothing, look right through you, not like the fucking teenage raver bitches who look at you like you're a fucking God or some shit.
Anyways, Seamus is stopped cold talking to these bitches, who look at him like maybe he ain't nothing, and I know if I don't get this fucking show on the road I'm gonna have Mailman raping teenagers, Clusterfuck starting fights with their boyfriends and Seamus having some threesome sex with these hot bitches, and no business will get transacted tonight, you know? And it's not like we're just fucking around on a milk run, you know? We're fucking here on a fucking job from an important man and he ain't gonna be happy to find out my crew couldn't even get this little fucking thing done for him.
I turn around and grab Mailman, who's glaring at the teenage candy ravers, tell him to pull Clusterfuck off of another little kid who tried to help his friend. I head up to Seamus and whisper some heavy shit in his ear, and he finally comes with me. Now I've got my boys back together and Seamus leads us up the stairs, only pausing to let Clusterfuck move forward and headbutt some little drunk kid who's acting like he knows some shit, you know? Talking about the life and shit, and I ain't havin' it, Seamus ain't havin' it, and Clusterfuck sure as hell ain't havin' it. The little fuck is out cold now and Seamus is in the lead again.
Door at the end of the hall. I know what we're gonna find. Mailman pulls out his piece, keeping it tucked in under his jacket and Clusterfuck grabs a one-liter bottle of Mountain Dew from his coat, dumps it out on the floor and I pull my roll of duct tape.
Mailman shows us the end of his piece, a .22 target pistol he got from some girl's Dad. He was fucking the girl, and stealing from the Dad. Clusterfuck puts the bottle on the barrel and I tape it shut, like we've done twice before. The pistol has a compensator on the front, so I can put lots of duct tape on and not worry about the slide jamming up.
Seamus crouches next to the door. I nod at him, he launches through it. I'm in next, making sure to step clear so our shooter, Mailman, can get in.
Bobby D is naked, like he always is, on the bed. This time he's got a cute little girl on top of him. She's skinny as all hell and has a weird scar on her back. She's got green hair, and as she flies off of him I can see her bush is green too.
Man, say what you want about Bobby D, say he's a fucking lowlife, say he's an asshole, say he deals to elementary school kids, but don't say nothing about him having a small dick. The guy is hung like a fucking horse and has the body to match. Fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger, man.
The girl flies off of him, then freezes. She doesn't know what to do. Mailman looks over his shoulder at me, but I shake my head. Mailman growls at her, all like "Out, bitch." She takes the cue and moves.
I hear her shriek as Clusterfuck smacks her on the ass in the hallway.
Mailman's all business now. Bobby D is going for something on his night table, gotta be steel. Mailman fires his first shot and hits Bobby in the head. There's a bit of blood on the wall behind him, and Bobby slumps down. Mailman walks over and fires three more into Bobby's face. Mailman doesn't like killing much, but he doesn't want to hear that Bobby is in the hospital in surgery tommorow. Clusterfuck is the one who likes to kill, but he can't shoot worth shit. Keeps turning his piece sideways and shit.
We're on our way out now. Clusterfuck in the lead, headbutting anyone who gets in the way. People are worried now, party's over, music's off and we're moving fast. Seamus grabs a handful of tit on one of the fine bitches and gives her a sloppy kiss.
I'm in my ride, gunning the engine and everyone's in finally. We blast out of there and Clusterfuck and Mailman are in the back, getting the wrecked bottle off of Mailman's piece.
I'm smiling now, Seamus is taking a hit on a bottle of Stoli and Mailman is chucking the bottle out of the window.
Now we get to have our own little party.
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![[Image: lovequiz.jpg]](http://www.mum.org/lovequiz.jpg)
