I was supposed to meet a girl, but I transposed two of the numbers wrong when I wrote them down. I called her from a bar, and couldn't really hear the person that I called, but it was a girl. After a bit, I just hung up and thought that it was probably a wrong number. About 20 minutes later, I received a text message from the girl I had called.

Quote:Her: Do I know u Somehow Cuz u called me
Me: I thought I bought my ferrari from you
Her: Well whats your name ill check
Me: No sorry. wrong number. i bought my car from sara. unless you are a model i must have written the wrong number down
Her: Yes actually I aM
Me: r u in NYC? Did I meet you in miami on new years or paris last week?
Her: I aM Not to sure you Maybe the city iM Always there. Ever in Philly or ac?
Me: Never in either of those ghetto cities
Her: Maye the city then. u said ur names jeff .. age?
Me: 26 prob a wrong num.
Her: Maybe not. You live in the city so you know anyone from jersey
Me: Yes. are we gonna fuck or what?
Her: Who. And where
Me: dont have the time for these games
Her: whatever just wanted to see who was Prankin me Peace
Me: Have fun in poverty
Her: Now where the hell would that be
Me: Jersey, obviously
Her: um wuteva u say Have fun in the ghetto theN
Me: I will give you $100,000 if you let me piss in your mouth
Her: Nasty.. You donT have that $ either
Me: In cash
Her: Go fuck yourself
Me: $50 and I'll piss in your hand?
Her: Leave Me the Fuk alone unless u tell me how u gnt this#
Me: Bathroom stall in Hoboken
Her: Sorry iM Not like that
Me: I masturbate into my own feces
....

In my opinion, was actually a Ron and Fez show; Ron and Fez.com's christmas show. Opie, Anthony, Ron, Fez, one comedian (brian reagan), a funny bit, making a domanatrix run out of the studio, and cringe humor. My favorite show of all time.



Edited By The Jays on 1107057685

I was horrified last weekend. I met up with a couple of people that I haven't seen since high school, and we decided to hop a few bars together. At about midnight, this one guy gets hungry so we stop at a 24 hour deli...and comes out with some take-out sushi.

"Hey, you want a California roll?"

"No!"

"Oh, you don't like sushi?"

"I do, I love sushi but...you just paid $5 for this from the same place we used to get Olde English and Mad Dog 20/20 ten years ago."

"So? It's pretty good, have some."

So I took a roll, bit half of it, and god it was awful. Sort of the equivalent of going to Taco Bell and thinking you're having Mexican tonight. I wondered if he hated every bite, but faked it just to appear cool and worldly. And then I wondered how anyone could think they are worldly by buying a sushi plate from a 24 hour deli in Hackensack. Where's the wasabe? Who's the itamae? No oshibori? Whatever...

So moving on, I headed into Chinatown yesterday because I haven't been there in a while. I usually head into Chinatown at least once a month because it's one of the few good things in This Urban Life. I can get a cheap meal with shit like bitter melon in it and look at cool stuff that I want but don't buy because I don't need. There's this one vegeterian restaurant I went into and it was breaking my rule of how I decide where I'll eat in Chinatown (or any other ethnic place). Basically, I look for the place that has the least white people in it and the most Asians and figure that place is the goods and so I usually wind up in one of three places: a Vietnamese place that has the same food as a different Viet place which caterers to white folks but charges twice as much, a run down diner where they have the bitter melon, or a place on the edge where they'll shunt me into a corner table and give me really lousy service, but the food is damn good even if I make a mistake like ordering a dish that's almost all meat since I like the vegetables.

So anyway, I went into this vegeterian place and I'm not vegeterian, although at this point I only eat chicken and fish, but as I said, I really love vegetables and I'm hoping for a place where I can get big heaping platefuls of vegetables lovingly prepared. Only what they have there is all fake meat. You can get tofu that tastes like beef, chicken or pork in your choice of sauces and I'm saying what the fuck is this? I don't want meat, why would I want to eat meat that isn't meat?

After lunch I wander around Chinatown looking in the shops at all the statues and idols I think are cool, but not $40 cool. I always want to get a big ol' statue of Guanyin, reminding me of the value of compassion in life as we're all wandering in this together...there also was this votive holder with horses on it that I thought about, even though I only burn candles when someone's going to be dripping the wax on me or me on them. I bought a tea-pot, though, since I have none and lately have been drinking tea instead of coffee so I figure I'll teach myself to make it properly.

There were skull mugs there and I thought about buying one or two cause they looked badass, but I just ended up buying a cup for my tea that has a carving of a hut in the mountains, which is the hut of the immortals, which will remind me of my essential Tao nature as I sip my tea, which is important because I've forgotten it lately and drinking anything should never be to drown sorrows but instead to enhance joys, which is why everyone should drink.

even though the cubs pick up most of sosa's 2005 salary and sosa has to void his gaurantee for 2006, the orioles are chumps.

I was thinking about the number 19 today, and, I came to the realization that, I don't think I remember anything that happened when I was 19 years old. An entire year of adulthood!

I jst bought contacts, and now I'm afraid of when I had to take them out, and put them back in tomorrow. When I went to go pick these bad boys up, I was all giddy at how sexy my beautiful blue eyes would look now that they would be unfettered by my glasses. So, I go into the place, and tell me I need to begin my contact training class.

So, I sit in a back room, and they pop in a VHS tape from a company that really wants to let me know about their full line of various liquids that I can squirt onto my eyeballs. During the ten minute video, they spend 30 seconds on how easy it is to pop the contact in, and to take it out, all the while making sure to rinse each contact with a nice healthy dosage of the company's exclusive NO RUB formula of rinsing solution. The video ended, and I sat in my seat, ready to tear into the pack of trial contacts and get my sexy beast back out into the world for all the ladies to go gaga over.

Then, I spent the next hour trying to get these fucker in my eyes.

I started with the right eye, figuring that would be the easiest to manage. I try all sorts of ways to keep my eyelids open, but I kept losing my grip, and my eyelids would keep shutting just as soon as I got close. I dropped it a few times, had to keep rinsing, and all the while, the woman helping me sat there and had the look of "jesus christ, this kid has no coordination whatsoever" on her face.

I switched over to the left eye, since my right one was getting mad iritated. I got aggressive, and yanked down on my lower eyelid, and popped that fucker right in. I felt like I had restored my confidence in contact lens insertion. So, with one eye left to go, I returned to the matter of getting my right contact lens in.

Twenty minutes later, I had found the strength to keep my eyelids apart long enough for me to get it in. After a brief thank you to the woman, I began to stand up. At this point, she stops me, and says, "oh no, you got one more thing you gotta do for ME." Now, I had been sitting here for an hour now, with my baby blue eyes in full, unobscured view, with her getting the opportunity to gaze into my eyes, so, obviously, I thought I was going to have to lick her pussy or something. "I want to you to now remove a contact so I know you can take them out."

Ten minutes later, and my eyes all watery and red, I had completed my training, and was off to see the world as I haven't been able to see it in 8 years. WITHOUT GLASSES!

But, now, I'm afraid I won't be able to get these fuckers in or out ever again, because I needed that woman's help the whole time, and couldnt see shit even with the mirror, since my eyeballs were rolled to the back of my head most of the time.

And I remembered when I loved them and when I hated them. I'm listening right now and Patrice is on the air.

Whenever they have guests the show, it sucks. ESPECIALLY comedians. Their interviews are horrible! They just suck up to whatever the guest is, and heaven forbid it's a comedian, they scream in laughter for the entire segment.

The beginning of the show is always the best. They just riff and talk.

But since I can't fast forward through it, I just shut it off.

NICE STICKER DEEK
ohhh it's upside down cause i'm edgy!!!!!!!





Edited By Black Lazerus on 1106935020

Watch excerpts from Senator Bryd's speech on Condolezza Rice. For some reason when he says "myths" at 19:50 of this speech I laughed real hard and kept rewinding it up to the part where he starts coughing. But anyway this is a brilliant speech and he just rips her and Bush apart. Afterward there's also a great press conference/speech by investigative reporter Seymour Hersh.

Turn an LCD Xbox controller into a Media center display and control device. Watch TV shows in the tub!!