This song was in my head all the way on my ride home today. i wanted to jot it down before it passed back into oblivion - it's got a beatnick vibe

her fucking PUSSY
Every Tuesday she gave it to me
But now she's like no fucking wee!
It once happened now it will never be
Now she sez you can go take a hikey

Translucence Affilucence
It so clear it doesn't make sense
Translucence Affilucence
I used to climb the pussy like it was a fence
Translucence Affilucence
Now she sez use your hand forthhence

so who's comin with me to see Ben shine?

Lush-i love you but you are a bitch sometimes. I'm pretty certain that if i were a guy and we were dating i'd physically abuse you.

Drusilla-You get all my random jokes and quotes like no other really. I enjoy our daily conversations that amount to essentially nothing and probably don't even constitute as conversations..more or less random thoughts with segways.

MattJew-When you finally decide youre going to pop the question i enjoy white gold and modest square cut diamonds. This way when i backhand you it will leave a cut. Thanks for putting up with my ever annoying hormone development.

GonzoStyle- Geez whiz. I know we've only met a couple of times but i know i'll never forget them. I don't even have off the cuff jokes for you in person, that is why i deflect and mock everyone else.

which brings me to...

George-I honestly wish you the best in your future endeavors on the Big Brother set.

Keyser-I kinda admire the fact that you are the constant chewtoy of the board and not let it get you down or run you off. Kudos to that, it takes some balls(and no, we dont need to see them again for proof).

Sleeper-You're a nice fella, i really think you're overdue for some nerdly emo girlfriend who gives bad head. She's out there you just have to go find her!

DIG-Please start using drugs again.

fantasized about cloning yourself and having sex with yourself, i bet it would be pretty amazing.

Basically the story goes, my cousin who was my best bud growing up, recently split from his wife, she dumped him. They havent filed for divorce yet but shes hinting at it. So basically he and I grew up together, he's about 5 years older than me, naturally once he got married I became a complete stranger to him. Now that his chick dumped him, he calls me everyday and wants to hang out. He is a "entertainer" of sorts so he works nights, like from 8-3am and only works weekends, so he has nothing to do all week.

So turns out he started goin to the same gym as I do, he was only goin there to swim and then one day he decied to join me for a work out. So fast forward and for the last 6 weeks, he and I have been going 5 times a week to the gym together, it was ok at first cause it can get kinda boring after a while goin it alone.

Now I was rasied completely different from him, he had a supportive mom and a big brother, I had an alcoholic mom and an absentee father and no siblings, so I kinda grew up depending only on myself, cause thats the only person I had to depend on. So I just view things differently I guess, I don't subscribe to it but I understand the need at times to let it all out to someone and get it off your shoulders. So I didnt mind at first that all he did was bitch and moan and complain about his awful life. But then the days turned to weeks and now its goin on months, it's like groundhog day!! Its not like he even tells me some new stories, its the same ones every day about his fuckin wife.

So at first i figured, hey she probably dumped him cause shes a lying whorebag, turns out how wrong I was! Now some background on my cousin, he's always been with a girl as long as I known him and he brags about this, the only issue is that the chicks he was nailing aren't really the type you brag about, let alone even admit you made eye contact with for fear of getting herpes in your retina. But the woman he married was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of his league, she is educated, has a great job, supported him, works all day, goes to school at night for her masters and still takes care of the house, plus she is hot.

This fuck is ugly to start with but then he goes and gains 60 pounds after the get married, loses his job, sits at home all day on the computer and pays her no mind when she does get home after a 16 hour day. Then he goes and bangs some skanks at work, plus gets hooked on coke.

I mean I figured after spending just 2 hours day with him she left him cause he was a whining cunt rag but then he started laying out the facts to me.

Then he whines he misses her and follows it up with the cum recepticle he fucked this week, he's banging every jizzevoir that he meets lately.

So to boot he asks me, every single... EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN DAY, the same question when I drive him home... "eddie, how did I screw this up?". So me being nice guy eddie, I either keep quiet or tell him some bullshit line of "yeah, hey what can ya do?".

So tonight I finally told him, sorry but its pretty fuckin obvious why she left you and I can't fuckin blame her.... OH SNAP now his whole family hates me....AGAIN!!!

I mean why fuckin ask if you dont want honesty? Let your mother coddle your broken spirit and clean the whore juice off your cock, why ask me?

I honestly wanted to stop typing this half way through but I didnt wanna figure I wasted even more of my life, but I did.

who should i start for my 3rd receiver this week, joe horn or stallworth?

While filling out my flex-benfits forms for my new job, I discovered that with my company's Accidental Death & Dismemberment coverage, if I become a qudrapalegic I get $1,000,000. If I lose an arm or leg, I get $750k, a hand nets me $500k, and if I lose the thumb and forefinger on the same hand, I get $250k.

There doesn't seem to be an appropriate gap between what those maladies are worth.

But seriously, $250k to lose a thumb and forefinger!?!

And it was the one where the b-b-boys were talking about froy and some other board rabble from oa.com glory days who were let into a strip club and alledgedly dropping anthony's name to get comped on drinks and lap dances. So what's the scoop? Was it you, Gonz, you wiley ole sonovabitch being a conniver pretending to be ant?

is currently the American League leader in batting average.

so I could get some opinions on this whole semen as a skin care product craze. I thought it was a joke at first but apparently more women do this than I thought, I am very curious about this. Is it just like straight up cum on the noggin or do you need to mix it with something? Does is have to be fresh or do you need to cool it or something? Do you rub it in, do you rinse it off? How does this work, I care about my skin as well and plus I got all the supply I need... lets keep the cum on my face jokes to a minimum, it was a one or two time thing and it was an accident, OK GOATWEED?